All I ever wanted was for someone to finally tell the truth.
Half a century on Earth, and the best I can conclude is that no one is capable of it, not even me.
This will be my best shot.
This isn’t a hero’s journey. I’m not claiming to be any kind of authority. The last thing I want to do is influence you.
I just want to testify.
Rooted in colonial shadows, sharpened by ancestral grounds, and solidified by the enduring pulse of communities that refuse to be erased, these essays will document my experience growing up on the US compound. This is not about comparing struggles. I will dive deep in to my colonial roots, my privilege, and this country’s efforts to groom me into a silent, subservient character.
I don’t subscribe to this power structure, I’m just forced to survive it. All my life I’ve been commanded to “shut up and pay attention”.
Well, I did that.
I don’t like what I saw.
Now what?
As far as I’m concerned, y’all deserve each other for your deception and lies.
I don’t resent any of you for doing what you think it takes to survive. We’re all doing that. I resent that you believe your struggle gives you the authority to deny me autonomy by refusing me the ability to make informed decisions for myself.
So call me every name in the book and be mad at me for besting you at your own dumb game. It doesn’t bother me when people I don’t respect have an incorrect idea of who I am or what I’m about.
But, I’m not bending over for any of you. If you insist on fucking me, you’re going to have to look me in the eye as you do it.
At least I understand now why y’all need all that money. The overhead for being corrupt douchebags has got to be outrageous.
Have the day you deserve.
Regards.
Carolyn